My Feels

I just want us to be okay. I'm so sorry for what I've said. I admit, a part of it was meant. But... But I don't mean most of them. Right now I'm on the phone with you but I just cant release the words from my mouth. :( It's so hard. This day should be fun. I'm so sorry I ruined it. Gaaahd. I did not mean to hurt you in any way. And to tell you the truth on our last round of that game, I was in the verge of crying, and my heart was beating so fast. I was just so sad that you wanted to give up on something you've worked for for years now. I can't let you give up. Ndi pwede. :( I was so upset, I was able to spill out my feels. Ugh, I just don't want you to think na ndi mo kaya! Kase I know that you can. And you just need a little push. Ayaw kong gumive up ka. 

AND NO! I am not disappointed in you. So dont you ever think that you are disappointing me. In fact, I am so proud of you pa nga e! I believe in you and I am here for you come hell or high water. Remember that! Nothing will ever ever ever ever change my feels for you! I will stand by you no matter what. So kalimutan mo na ung sinbi kong may mawawala kung ndi mo yan gagawin. UGHHH! I want to say this to you now(on the phone), but I cant. So I'm writing it here. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH and I AM SO SORRY :( I just feel so awful I mad you sad. :( This should be a happy night. :( 


Love love na us ha?!?! 

It's Always Better with You

Play munaaa! 


Halooooh!

                I just want to share with the world the happiness and joy that I am feeling right now. I know medyo mababaw to. Pero I really didn’t think that it is possible to feel this way. Well, most of you might not understand kase, medyo mahabang storya na kung bakit kame nagging ganito kaclose.

                It’s just so amazing to find a friend who will always be there for you. (Proven and tested!) Yung tipong kaibigan na hinding hindi ka bibigoin. AHHH. A friend who will always remind you of how amazing you are, and how blessed your life is. Someone who will always tell you to appreciate life and to love yourself more and you slowly appreciate the little things in life that you don’t usually appreciate before. Amazing how a person can make a huge impact in your life.

                Grabe lang talaga. I can’t believe that this is possible. I can’t believe that it’s possible to love a friend this way, yung genuine love. Yung ah! Di ko maexplain. I’m just so thankful to God for giving me this kind of friendship, and for letting me experience everything that I am experiencing now.

                I am so so so happy, and I want to share this everybody, after ten days of not seeing each other, yesterday, I tried to surprise her. We planned to visit her in her house only to find out that she’s not home. :( SAAAAD. But that didn’t stop us. Hinabol namin sya sa bank. But then, di nea pa alam, ayon. It’s just a pure joy to see her after a looooong time. Pero, still she can’t go with us to Tumaga. So ayun, we talk for a little while and after that we had to leave. Ayon, BITIN. And I was just so sad the entire afternoon. I just can’t hide it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy kase, I saw her. Pero ayon nga, I did not expect it to be that short. AGHRR! But then, ok lang, seeing her happy naman din ako. Maraming ngyare that afternoon, when I got home, I was so tired. Ayon, the usual, merienda with the dads and moms here sa bahay. Then sa gabi, I had a chat with her, telling her that I miss the outside world, and how we used to be before this damn war. I told her na, I hope this war ends na and everything goes back to normal na. I got scared somehow because of certain things that I shall not mention here. Hehe. But ayon, she still made me feel better! Ang saya pag may ganito kang kaibigan.

                And last night, I realized that she gave up a lot for me already. And that, everything you have today, is a result of your choice yesterday. She made me realize that this friendship that we have, is a choice, and is a result of the choices that we have made. And I agree naman. She chose to stay here last summer. And I, I chose to be with her all the way. And it is by far the best decision I have made!

                And kaninang hapon, just as I was about to go insane, she texted me telling me how much she misses me daw. And to tell you honestly, it didn’t help. As in! It made me feel sadder. Kase, I miss her as much as she misses me, pero wala akong magawa kase I’m stuck at home. Yung tipong wala kang magawa para ma-suffice ung pagkamiss mo sknya. AH! As in super down na ako kanina. Only to find out that she was outside our house waiting for me. HAHA! At first, di pa ako naniwala, kase I know, di un papayagan lumabas. When I went to take a peek sa window, di ko pa naopen, I saw a silhouette of a red car, and right then and there, I knew it! Ndi pala sya nagjjoke, so I went out and got inside her car, tapos I cried the Pasig river. Hahahaha! Dala na din ng pagkamiss, and I wasn’t expecting it at all. Hahaaha. OA NA AKO! AHAHAA! Basta, I cried. Dala na din siguro ng emotions na na-accumulate the past few days. War, tapos house arrest, tapos boredom, tapos miss na miss ko na sya. Tapos.. HAA!! Grabe, my emotions just poured out kanina. My feels for her ba! SHEEEP. Ayon, dahil ndi pa ako naliligo, away kong yakapin nea ako. Haha! Pero she insisted e. So I hugged her back! HAHAHA! After that, syempre naligo ako! And we enjoyed the rest of the afternoon together. AHHHH. Best feels ever. After days, fianlly, nagchikahan lang kame and kumain. HAAAA. And nilaro si Gavin. ANG SAYAAA! Na revived and dying heart ko. Amazing! 

                And to you Regine, thank you for making me appreciate life more. Thank you for giving me the chance to know you. Thank you for every choice you've made for us to reach this far. Thank you so much for everything! I’m so blessed to have you as a sister/friend. Basta, ung mga sinbi ko sayo last night. Hold on to that ha! You’ll always have me. And I will never ever leave you. Minsan lang ako makakahanap ng ganitong klaseng kaibigan, and I will never ever ruin this! Lovelove! I love you so so so much!

Here’s to more happy moments with you!

HAPPY FEELS!

MERIENDAAA! 

It's always better with you! 

#TBL 

*CIAO! 

Zamboanga at it's best!

I just need to let this out.

These past six days was the most, ugh. I can’t find the right term for this, these past seven days is a nightmare. Here in Zamboanga, while the world is busy with their regular routines, people here are suffering, people are in threat, and people are living in fear.

I just can’t think of anything straight anymore. To tell you honestly, this is my first time in a long time to stay home for 6 days STRAIGHT! Watching the news and checking on facebook and twitter isn’t just helping me in me psychologically. This is unhealthy. Seeing and hearing people suffering out there, in the evacuation centers and people being held as hostages and civilians, military and police dying, and knowing I cannot do anything kills me. The first day, I thought that this won’t last long. I said to myself, 1-2 days this’ll be over. And now we are approaching day seven, it really breaks my heart. A lot of people are suffering; I want to ask God why. 

But on second thought, I was reminded by one verse in the bible that says 

Jeremiah 29:11

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

I hold on to this verse with the hope of a better tomorrow for us Zamboanguenos.

Tonight, I just want to thank someone for keeping me sane the entire week. Even though we are not together, and we never got the chance to see each other this week, I want to thank you for always being there for me! I just can’t imagine life without you anymore. NAA! Words are not enough to express how much I am thankful to God that He has given me a friend like you! HAA! Basta, don't ever go away ha? Don't get tired of me ha? Na na na! To infinity, Babylove! 

Too much drama. I so so love you, baby love. 

Ciao! 

Tonight, August 24, 2013

Where do I go from this night?

As I am staring at this empty sheet of paper (or doc.), I also think about the past ten months of my life, my life as a Rainbow girl, my life as the Worthy Advisor or LHA.

A lot has been going on my mind these past few days. I really don’t know what will happen next. I must admit that I am terrified and at the same time excited. UGH! (Yung feeling na you want to say more, but you just can’t put the words together? YUN YON!)

Indeed many has changed. Tomorrow evening will mark the end of my term as the Worthy Advisor of La Hermosa Assembly 28.

Haaaaa, Tapos na! I feel so blessed! Amazing! God really makes marvels in our lives, in my life. Grabe, gusto kong magsulat ng mapakahabang blog. But I cannot put all the words together. I mean, there comes a time that you just can’t express the joy that you are feeling inside. And all you can just say is WOW! But sabi nga nila, out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. Here it goes…

When I decided to join rainbow, I wasn’t expecting anything. As in, wala lang, join ako kase, anak ng mga masons, tapos for socialization, tapos just to meet new friends. I did not think that is it something life changing, until I was appointed Worthy Advisor of the pioneering batch. Pressured! So ayon, I thought I should really take this seriously, since my dad is also a Mason, he was the master in the year 2000. So double pressure, because people are expecting a lot from me. Being the WA, mahirap sya, lalo na’t ndi pa kame magkakilala, all of us, tapos 38 kameng girls. Working with different people, with different personalities is really not easy, but I find it interesting. Kase you get to work with other people with different perspectives, iba ung views nila sa mga bagay-bagay. Decision making is not easy, lalo na not for your own self lang, kasama na rin ung buong assembly. Tapos lahat kame bago, at di ko talaga alam papano simula. Pero sabi ko sa sarili ko, dapat wag akong mahiya. I have to make this count. So ayon, wala na akong hiya. HAHA! Super. -___- (To the point na nagpavideo ako magisa habang sumasayaw for them to be able to practice the dance at home.)

 At first nagkakahiyaan pa, but then as time goes by, medyo nawawala na. Slowly, all of our walls were let down and we began to create strong bonds. I wasn’t expecting this at all. I wasn’t expecting it to be this way. Sobrang laki lang ng impact ng Rainbow sakin. Or sobrang laki lang ng impact ng mga RAINBOW GIRLS saakin. Haha! I just love them so much! Too much!

Ten months of knowing them, sobrang attached na ako sakanila. Lalo na sa pioneer batch, because they were with my from the start. I can just imagine from our institution, to our activities, projects, first ever fund raising event, tapos first ever charity event, first ever LHA overnight, first Christmas as a RG, caroling, tapos .. ahhh! There are so many firsts, any having witness everything is so priceless to me. I’m in awe of how God works in our lives. WOOOH!  Ang saya lang ng term na to, I can really say na iba talaga ang samahan namin.

LA HERMOSA ASSEMBLY INSTITUTION
Nov. 4, 2012

Pioneer Hope, Faith, WA, WAA, Charity

Exemplification and initiation of batch 1! 

One of the best hugs! 

Trisha's first BALOT experience! 

To all my sisters, I want you to know, that I will always, always, always be here for all of you no matter what! And even if I’m not the WA anymore, I will always be willing and ready to serve you. I will never get tired of loving you all. HAAA. It’s just amazing how people can make a difference in your life. I’m just so amazed by how God put people in your life perfectly.

AHHHH!!! Things will definitely change after this night, but one thing I am sure of is that, I will make sure it’s for the better!

Adios! 

Shattered

I don’t really know where to start. -____-  I’ve been a complete mess! The only thing that is holding me into place now is God, and his mercies on me.

I don’t know what’s going on in my brain, and I don’t know why all these things are happening. I want my old life back! I would do anything for it to be the same again.

It’s when you feel UNWANTED. Masakit. It’s when you feel that people are forced to live with you. -___-

It’s when your own family doesn’t even see the effort you put up just to make things right.

It’s when your 18 and you can’t even go out of the house when you want to.

It’s when EVERY SINGLE MOVE YOU MAKE IS WRONG!

That’s when everything falls apart. 

APRIL. I hope it gets better each day. I pray that this adjustment period won’t last long. I just so down right now. And I can’t even go out to meet with my friends. -_______- I can’t really understand why he’s trying to put me into this cell. I’m not used to this life. I just hope he understands. -_______- I love him. I just don’t understand.

@MissMarjj

More of MissMarjj 01-03

Hi, I am so so sorry for not updating for quite sometime. FIRST BLOG OF ZE YEAR! 

It's already summer! Nako! Ang dami nang nangyare. Nakakapagod i-explain one by one! 

But un, I finally decided to really move on. And this time I mean it. I wrote a blog at themeandtheyou stating everything that happened so yeah. I am just so bored to death. By the way, lumipat na kame ng house. And IT IS SO BORING HERE! -______- And you know what? I feel so lonely. :( I just hope makaadujust kame dito ng maayos. By this time I still haven't formulated a very sensible title for this blog since I am writing this randomly. So please excuse my randomness. :)))) 

What am I suppose to write now? 

I was thinking of happiness. How can you have happiness? What are you willing to give up for your happiness? Are you willing to hurt other people just to be happy? Things about happiness. 

Or Pain? I was thinking to blog about pain, but then, I felt that it wasn't the best topic to talk about at the moment, because that would definitely not help me. So nope I would not do PAIN. 

I was thinking about FOOD. But then, to lazy to think of the subtopics. SOOOOOOOO. Nope, not food. 

I was thinking about music. YES! Music is GOOD. But I am so not updated lately. So my blog would be like so lame. Maybe I'll do a music BLOG after I complete the list my fave songs. SOOON! 

Soooooo, im so not in the mood do to some thinking. So I thought I should just write updates about myself! Since this is my first blog for the year! I know it's a bit late, it's been really crazy these past 3 months. So yeahhhh. I'll do some updating thing. 

JANUARY! 

So here's what happened to me last january. God, I hope I can remember it. :)) 

I'll ask Facebook's help once in a while THANKS to the TIMELINE I can easily check what happened to me last January. OKAY. 

01.19.13

Fritzy's Debut I would not write a lot about this but I surely posted this as BEST DAY for the year. I know it's too early. But yeah, ONE OF ZE BEST! 

01.26.13

Of course, Our dad's installation of officers. Syempre, di kame pahuhuli with out white gowns. I can find a photo of us when we were singing. HAHA! Epic night for us. Pero ok na yon. :) 

I think these are the highlights for January. Nothing more. 

FEBRUARY!

Hi LOVE MONTH! 

02.03.13

We went to St. Francis Homes and spread the love to all the kids who were there. 

Thanks to Sis. Tiffy who decided to share her birthday with them.

02.14.13

Happy valentines day! It's a thursday and we have an event at Garden Orchid Hotel. Thanks to our Dad's help, we were able to put up a booth at their Dine and Wine event with Ms. Gizelle Sanchez. We sold cupcakes, chocolates, and roses. ALSO! May Photobooth. 

Hala, I cant find other photos. :( I dont know kung nasaan na sila. :( 

02.15.13

Our Brother Demolay's Fund raising event at Cape Zambo. :) 

Post-valentines date with friends. :) 

02.16.13

Installation of our dad from lodge #45. Had so much fun. 

02.23.13

CYF's Dinner for a cause. For our FUN ROOM :) 

02.24.25

CIENTO!
Ang galing si BRO MC! 

Yeah! That's all for FEB! Ang dami na palang ngayare. OKAY! Let's Go MARCH!

MARCH

03.02.13

Actually March 1 talaga ang birthday ng sister ko, but she celebrated it on March 2. Ayon. Had fun naman! 

03.03.13

Dinner with my BABES. :) Hari and Jeffrey. I just love them soooo
I can be myself when I'm with time. 

03.09.13

It's Joshua's birthday, went to town to buy some gifts for him. First time ko syang bigyan ng gift. Im such a bad cousin. So yeah. Ayon. I had wilbur go with me. Then in the evening we went to our MOMS' Installation. 

03.16.13

Blood letting activity with the brothers and Project hair cut for the kids at DSWD. :)
Happiness. :D 

03.22.13

Mom's birthday. I will not say much. Because it's complicated. 
To my mom, I LOVE YOU BIG TIME! I SUPER DO!!! 

OKAY!

That's a wrap for this March. Well i'm not sure of what's going to happen till the end of march I hope it's going to be good. Thumbs up to all the people who were with me and who made my almost-first-quarter of the year extra special! 

I LOVE YOU GUYS xx


More of me @MissMarjj. :)
*Ciao!