I feel so stupid

Am I that stupid? Did I really fall for that? Didn't I notice all his flaws. Am I so blind not to see his motives? Did I really allow myself to fall for this? Is this even real?! Come on! Marjj, You're more than this! 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Eto na un e. -.- I just feel so stupid. OKAY, I can't fool myself, I know that this was coming, I just didn't believe in it. I just didn't mind it. You know why? Because I was busy being foolishly happy. I did something permanently stupid, because i'm temporarily sad/lonely. Maybe I was too afraid to loose him? or not HIM, maybe I was afraid to NOT BE HAPPY. He gave me happiness. He gave me lots and lots of reason to laugh. Maybe I just wanted someone to hold onto in times of troubles. I never really wanted this in the first place, I never really planned to be serious. I never planned to be in a relationship. But why? Why did I play with fire? and now, I'm burning. What can I do? Some people say that I can't blame myself.  I just LOVED. The thing here is that, I should be responsible of myself. But, why? why did I let this happen? I'm not suppose to be the who's crying right now. hmm.. What can I do? It's all over and done now. God, Help me. I know You are the only one who can help me this time. 

On second thought, maybe... just maybe, the reason why i'm really shocked right now, is that, MAYBE I never expected it from him. I never expected it to happen, I never expected that... He can do this to me. Maybe I trusted too much. To the point that, I can't distinguish what's right and wrong anymore. To the point where I don't know when to stop and when to go. --- UH! i'm just so stupid. Do I deserve this? Is this really what I deserve? After all the sacrifices I've made for him? All this pain and anger and whatsoever. This is just so stupid. I'm so careless! NEXT TIME, I shouldn't give my trust to anybody. This is just... UHHH. -.- Crappy.

Yung feeling na, You gave it a try cause you thought it might work. You made sacrifices and all. you gave up some(2) your friends, your reputation, and things for this to work. and In the end, He'll just stab you at the back. OH CRAP! This ain't funny, HONESTLY. You gave up stuffs for him. You trusted him. You thought that he can be responsible enough in handling his feelings, ALL BECAUSE YOU WERE HAPPY. and now what? -.- what happens if problems come, if you are not happy anymore? If you feel different now? Simple, We all just throw it away. and forget yesterday, and we'll make a great escape? -.- Not likely. I admit it, It was all MY FAULT. If I didn't allow him to get into my life, this wont happen, none of this will ever happen. There won't be any problems now. But no, I was so stupid considering temporary happiness. I'm just so stupid right now. SO STUPID.

 I don't know what would I feel if I read this blog years from now, but to me, I'm just sooooo dope. so stupid in this time of my life. I just wish I can turn back time. I wish I was in high school again, and Re-do all those mistakes I've made. But I can't. All I can do is to learn a lesson from this mistake, and promise myself not to do it again. Not to allow anybody to repeat this stupidity. Not to allow myself to fall for any of those stupid guys' trap. NEVER. 

Alam mo yung phrase na "UTANG NA LOOB". 

Yun yon e. Yun yon. kahit un man lang. 

UTANG NA LOOB.