It's a LEAP DAY.

     GOODMORNING!!!
   Today is a LEAP DAY. :)

 oh yea. And something really really UHHH! happened. -.- Last night my friends from church decided to sleep at church because it was the last day of our YWAM visitors(im going to blog about them later). So yeah. I wanted to sleep over, but I thought I have a class at 730AM. So I cant. But then in the morning. when I arrived in school. I figured that our teacher wont meet us. CRAPPPPPPPPY!! I was like asdfghjkl!@$%$#^&%*^(*)!!! Leap day ha! :)) But its okay, t'was my fault. I didnt listen when my classmates announce that there will be no meeting. -.- I just! UH! I could have slept in church last night. If only I wasn't stupid enough not to listen to the announcements! RAAAAA! Ang sarap mag waras. :) pero okay lang! :))


      I hope the rest of the day will be good. :))


#ciao!

Diverting all my energy

        Ever get the feeling wherein you focus too much of your attention to something that is totally "toxicating"(if there is such word as that) your brain and body? It's that time where you just keep on entertaining things that are not necessary, you keep on feeding your thoughts with things that are not useful. And then, you just disregard things that should be done. Things that are important. 

       Lately, I've been focusing more on things that are not important, accomplishing things that aren't important. Wasting my time on stuffs that doesn't really need my attention. Lately, I realized that i'm wasting my energy on things that are not really satisfying in the end. ALSO, It doesn't glorify God. :( awwwww.. These past few days I have been so so so tired, and I realized that, i'm still not productive in any ways. -_- this sucks, but yes, An Idle. I feel like I've been doing things, ALOT of things. But then, I realized that these things are just not worth it. 

      uhhhh. it's been so crazy these days. There are tons and tons of things that are going in my mind right now. I just can't think straight. and I feel that diverting my energy from here to ____ will really help me. :) Focusing more on that goal. And fixing broken things. Fixing a broken soul. As what i've said. My life is under construction. I know my God has plans. Plans to prosper me, and not to harm me. All I need is to trust him fully. And just lean on Him. ALL THE TIME. 

Diverting all my energy from here to a better position.

#ciao!

Page 52 of 366

It's February 21 today, :) oooh. So fast! I wish I could just fast forward days to summer! I just wanna go out and breathe. Because these days, it seems like i'm trapped in an area where everyone thinks that i'm not a good person.  No.. OA lang. :))))

Well, Anyway.. I just wanna say that today, though it's still hurt, imma be HAPPY. slowly, "lilipas din yan" I dont need anyone to be happy, All I need I God. :) Yeaaa. God. That 1 person who will let me down. It's God. Completely leaning to him and trusting his plans. :) OHYEA. And yes, it might sting a bit every time I remember him, OR those memories. but we all experience that right. :) Mistakes are made for us to learn from it, not to repeat it. :) Well if you repeated it, learn from in again. :))))) haha! Basta, This day, I promise to be more focused on the stuffs that I need to prioritize. God, Studies, Friends. :)) I also found ways on moving on. I should be bitter. :))) because, Bitter is BETTER. :o oh?! And I shouldn' think about him. as much as possible iwas.  but my friend says, wag madaliin. kase, lilipas din yn. unti unti, mawawala. :) kaya go lang ng go. :) I'm really going to make him feel that "hey! im happy without you" naks! *WRONG MOTIVES* ahaha. I should always be happy for myself and not for any stupid people who doesn't even care. :)))) db? dbd?  AY basta! BITTERSWEET PROCESS. I'm still happy that he did this, it's that feeling na. "ahh, God has better plans for me. and  dont deserve this jerk." db?!: ))) TAMA!!! hay, I'm getting late for my first class. -.- 

Today, I'm going to be happy! 

(a positive attitude)

UTANG NA LOOB! (HAHAHAAH)
Byeee!

I feel so stupid

Am I that stupid? Did I really fall for that? Didn't I notice all his flaws. Am I so blind not to see his motives? Did I really allow myself to fall for this? Is this even real?! Come on! Marjj, You're more than this! 

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Eto na un e. -.- I just feel so stupid. OKAY, I can't fool myself, I know that this was coming, I just didn't believe in it. I just didn't mind it. You know why? Because I was busy being foolishly happy. I did something permanently stupid, because i'm temporarily sad/lonely. Maybe I was too afraid to loose him? or not HIM, maybe I was afraid to NOT BE HAPPY. He gave me happiness. He gave me lots and lots of reason to laugh. Maybe I just wanted someone to hold onto in times of troubles. I never really wanted this in the first place, I never really planned to be serious. I never planned to be in a relationship. But why? Why did I play with fire? and now, I'm burning. What can I do? Some people say that I can't blame myself.  I just LOVED. The thing here is that, I should be responsible of myself. But, why? why did I let this happen? I'm not suppose to be the who's crying right now. hmm.. What can I do? It's all over and done now. God, Help me. I know You are the only one who can help me this time. 

On second thought, maybe... just maybe, the reason why i'm really shocked right now, is that, MAYBE I never expected it from him. I never expected it to happen, I never expected that... He can do this to me. Maybe I trusted too much. To the point that, I can't distinguish what's right and wrong anymore. To the point where I don't know when to stop and when to go. --- UH! i'm just so stupid. Do I deserve this? Is this really what I deserve? After all the sacrifices I've made for him? All this pain and anger and whatsoever. This is just so stupid. I'm so careless! NEXT TIME, I shouldn't give my trust to anybody. This is just... UHHH. -.- Crappy.

Yung feeling na, You gave it a try cause you thought it might work. You made sacrifices and all. you gave up some(2) your friends, your reputation, and things for this to work. and In the end, He'll just stab you at the back. OH CRAP! This ain't funny, HONESTLY. You gave up stuffs for him. You trusted him. You thought that he can be responsible enough in handling his feelings, ALL BECAUSE YOU WERE HAPPY. and now what? -.- what happens if problems come, if you are not happy anymore? If you feel different now? Simple, We all just throw it away. and forget yesterday, and we'll make a great escape? -.- Not likely. I admit it, It was all MY FAULT. If I didn't allow him to get into my life, this wont happen, none of this will ever happen. There won't be any problems now. But no, I was so stupid considering temporary happiness. I'm just so stupid right now. SO STUPID.

 I don't know what would I feel if I read this blog years from now, but to me, I'm just sooooo dope. so stupid in this time of my life. I just wish I can turn back time. I wish I was in high school again, and Re-do all those mistakes I've made. But I can't. All I can do is to learn a lesson from this mistake, and promise myself not to do it again. Not to allow anybody to repeat this stupidity. Not to allow myself to fall for any of those stupid guys' trap. NEVER. 

Alam mo yung phrase na "UTANG NA LOOB". 

Yun yon e. Yun yon. kahit un man lang. 

UTANG NA LOOB.

It's me again,

       Hi, its me again. It's the 2nd month of the year already. it's been so crazy lately. And I haven't been blogging because I'm literally enjoying this past few months, and usually I blog when i'm sad, or lonely, or if I feel like I need to write down everything I feel. So now it's the 19th of the second month of the year, and I feel so devastated. I don't know if I just think I am. or I really feel it, but to me, making a mistake over and over and over again made me realize that i'm really stupid. REALLY. I've been doing a lot of things lately, and to be honest I'm really very tired. thing is, even though I've been doing stuffs lately, I am still NOT PRODUCTIVE.  Though, I got something this year! It's my driver's license! wooot woot! :)))) I finally got one! :)) oooooh yea! So yeah. This is my accomplishment for this month, that's all. 


Going back to the reason why I'm writing this blog now. I've been doing thing impulsively lately. I decide quickly, and later on realize that I made the wrong choice. Now I'm facing the consequence. That moment when you decided to trust one person and then instantly the break it down. Like crumpling a perfectly straightened paper. It sucks man! I like to get mad at the person. I want to. but re-thinking things... I figured it was all my fault after all. If I wasn't just so stupid enough to trust that person instantly I wouldn't be facing any consequences now. -.- I want to be BITTER, and MAD. But I just can't, as they say, "God removes a person from your life for a reason, think about that before you come running after them". That's right, but a piece of me says I should get mad! This man comes into your life like a lightning bolt and leaves like the rain leaves after it pours. Crap Sh.t -.- yea.. but like I said, it was also my fault. Why did I let this man get through my walls without giving it a proper check up. hmm! Maybe I was too lonely that time that I didn't know what to do. Or maybe he gave me tons of reasons why I should consider him in my life. We were happy back then. Until... Yeah. Crazy things happened. And the end, doing what should be done in the first place is the best thing to solve this problem. It ended. For me, this is another LESSON LEARNED: Never Ever Give you trust to anybody who asks for it. UNLESS, you think they deserve it. but still NEVER. ;))) Choosing the wrong choice and facing the consequence can never be easy. but that's the only way we can learn the best lessons in life. In the long run, I'll look back on the things that had happen and say to myself, If it weren't for these problems, I wont be where I am today. 

*ciao!